
I was sitting in a nearby park on a Sunday afternoon, one kiddo at cheer practice and one kiddo on a ball field hours away. Sitting on my phone creating a graphic for work, I was calling to check in on my kiddo hours away. I felt the sting of not being able to be everywhere at once. My fluffy bestie was so anxious. She laid down, she stood up, she climbed in my lap, she couldn't just stop and enjoy being under the trees as I was. I was convinced it was the bullfrogs keeping her nervous of the unknown. I was pausing to ask her why she couldn't get settled on our little mat. Reading those first sentences of mine above should have been my first clue.
I checked time and already about that moment to pack up and head to the car so we could go get her human sissy nearby. In that moment, I realized I had missed the moment I loved the most about stepping into nature, the trees, the smells, the sounds and I was just as anxious as she was. Animals sense how we feel and maybe protecting me was upsetting her and maybe the bullfrogs were. Who knows, but this summer has been anything but peaceful and it has taken me two trips to the ER, downsizing my hours at work, and apparently my dog to really get it.
Sitting on the ball field cheering on my kiddo has been a highlight. I'm outside and that's what I like to be most. Not heat, I don't like heat, but I like to just be sitting outside. At a campsite, on my back deck, maybe it is from good memories of childhood where my family sat outside together for hours with my grindaddy giggling and telling stories. I have missed out on these opportunities, my favorite things of paddle boarding and kayaking with my kiddos, crabbing, skimming for tiny shells and sand with my fingers. Family time, me time, all of it. Everyone has boundaries, but I lost mine. Even as I type and the nervous sting of emails and texts pop up, today was a day to be with my kid and to reconnect with what we want to do, not 6 months of backup work I feel like I need to do in my own business or organizing my creations. What busy means to me has been a way of life, an expectation before, but it avoids real feelings and those feelings inspire my creations.
Having chronic pain and guilt that I'm never enough for anyone are two enemies that create the anxiety of never having enough done daily. Yet, my own brain that sets those boundaries of what must be done. Who is judging? God is judging my good heart and soul, so why should this other noise matter? This is what is really chronic fo me. In retrospect, this is also how my latest creations have reflected what I've put out to the World. I started making from the tiniest shells and sand particles that made me feel like home with my girls, the beauty I find in nature. Slowly as requests were made to make certain charms and/or fun items, I ordered charms and had some fun. Many of those requests sold, but then they didn't. I've been called a vibe and that my coastal charm is certainly mixed with whimsy. The greatest advice many have spoken about, advised me, blogged about was not trying to sell everything to everyone, that my creations weren't for everyone and that it is absolutely okay. Heck, I've given this advice to many friends of mine who are small business owners. The funny thing is that I stepped away from this boundary of being true to my own advice,
My display in the shop is always changing, but has been made more simple this week, and will most likely change again. My online shop looks different. Heck, I probably look different, LOL. I have many pretties in stock and in being overwhelmed thinking of what else I needed to add online, what I need to finish in my workshop office, what I need to perfect and my website itself...good grief....it occured to me to go grab my girls and get out there to enjoy summer as it was meant to be spent with them. That is where my natural inspiration is, my heart, and as you see my collection change and shift, my boundaries are resetting.
I am a coastal girl with a little whimsy and that is what is reflected in my summer collection.
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